Ch. 20 The CD from Ted, Louise’s Father

Louise lay on her bed one afternoon and decided to listen to the CD that her father made for her. First came song about a fathers love, ‘’Nothing is as great as a fathers love…. You’re daddies little girl.’’ Actually a whole row of songs about father’s and daughters, all very sentimental, followed. Louise began to cry. She wanted to believe that her father only wanted what is best for her. She wanted to believe that he loved her. She imagined that he was singing these songs to her.

She thought this was such a nice present from her father. She thought, ‘’when I get home sick this year, I can pick up this CD and listen to it.’’

After listening to about 7 heart wrenching songs the music stopped and her father’s voice came through the speakers on her headphones.

He said. ‘’Hi Louise, this is your father. I just want you to know, that I think you have made the wrong decision in going to Germany this year. You are on the plane right now listening to this CD.

As you know, I wanted you to move in with Devlin and I. This would have been best for you. We could have shown you how Christians really live. We could have guided you alone your path. But you chose to disobey your father and now you will have to live with the consequences.

I don’t think you are ready for the challenges you will face this year. You are running away, just as the prodigal son left his father for his own selfish pleasure. Surely you can understand.

You and I both know, that I have no real control, over keeping you here. When your mother left me, she took away all my parental power. I only got to see you every other weekend. That was not enough time to discipline you and your sister.

I wanted you to move in with me so that I could be the father that I always wanted to be. But you have made your decision. I love you. Bye.’’

That was the most ridiculous CD Louise’ father could have made for her. She no longer felt a closeness to him as she had after hearing the songs. She felt loved after listening to them. But this message was not loving at all. It was accusing and hurtful. It was degrading.

Why couldn’t he be happy for her? Why couldn’t he be proud of her? She made it into this exchange program not out of luck rather out of hard work. Thousands of kids applied and she was one of the few to be chosen.

She angrily pulled the CD from the CD player and shoved it back into her suitcase. She would show him who wasn’t ready for Germany.

The next night was the last night in the Jugendherberge. She could hardly sleep just thinking about it…

© Rebekah Schmidt and Ten Years in Germany 2013, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rebekah Schmidt and Ten Years in Germany with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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9 thoughts on “Ch. 20 The CD from Ted, Louise’s Father

  1. Hi Rebekah,
    I read this chapter. It was very well written, but there are some grammatical things you should be aware of. To give you some constructive criticism, please consider the following:
    1) “First came a song about fathers love” Do you mean “a father’s love”, in which “father” is possessive? Or do you mean “fathers'” love, which is also possessive, but relating to the love that all fathers have?
    2) “Actually” A comma should go after 😉
    3) “…about father’s and daughters” I think you mean “fathers and daughters”
    4) “She wanted to believe that her father only wanted what is best for her” You use the past tense throughout this excerpt but you say “wanted what IS best for her” I believe “was” would make more sense.
    5) You should proofread this a bit more…you had a few spaces or unnecessary single quotations.
    6) Not a lot of people know this, but when someone is talking and the person talking begins a “new paragraph”, so to speak, it should look like this.
    “Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.
    “Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.”
    You leave the end of the first paragraph open and then begin the new one with quotations. The final one ends with quotations though.
    7) “You and I both know, that I have no real control, over keeping you here” the commas between aren’t necessary.
    8) I hope this didn’t feel like I was ripping apart your writing. I was engaged the whole time and felt bad for Louise at the end. It also left me wanting more. I’m not sure if you should be posting every chapter on your blog, however. If you plan to get published, no one will by your book if they can read it on your blog for free.
    I hope this was helpful 🙂 Good luck with your book!
    Aul

    • Wow, thanks for all that. Maybe you could be my editor 😛
      1. I ment the love that this father has for his daughter and in General a father’s love.
      2.Actually, I didn’t know that. Thanks
      3. you’re correct, I miss stuff like this all the time 🙂
      4. ”was” -got it
      5. ok
      6. I didn’t know this. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I think I am might invest in a grammer check program. I have Ginger at the moment, but it doesn’t always work for some reason. And sometimes it gives me suggestions that are flat out wrong. Do you have a suggestion?
      7. I thought the commas would show that he was taking a breath while talking. But you are right, it reads smoother without them and are unnecessary.
      8. I’m glad you were engaged. This means more to me than the mistakes. They can be fixed.
      Is is possible to just cancel the blog if I ever want to publish it? This could be just to get feedback. Then I could get rid of it later. Is that even possible?

      Thank you Aul for taking the time to read this post and leave a comment. I just have a story to tell. If it gets published I would be thrilled. I guess I never thought about it. I just wanted to write. I thought it might not be good, or no one would like it. After all, I know nothing about writing novels and my grammar needs work. That is what has kept me for writing all along. So I just decided one day to start. And here I am. I plan on having finished by the end ove Nov. At least, I plan on having the first draft finished. The first draft is always what I publish here.
      Do you think it has potental to be published? Should I consider doing things differently? Yesterday, Austin, another cool blogger, asked me if I was worried about it not being published if I post it here. I wrote the same thing… I haven’t thought about. Should I?

  2. I think that in regards to your answer to 1, I’m not sure it can go both ways. You should choose one or the other; “father’s” or “fathers'”. And in regards to 7, you could just say “he sighed” and then write what he said.
    I think it’s not a bad idea to post your chapters so people can review them. You certainly could delete your blog after you are done with the book. But think about it; would you want people to read all of your book before it’s at its best because it hasn’t been edited and then published by a company? The decision is yours. I advise that you post a few chapters, allow people to review them, and then learn how to review your other chapters on your own. Like I said, simple proofreading will greatly improve your writing. Just ask simple questions like “Does this flow?” or “does that comma or that word make sense?”.
    As to a grammar check program, I don’t know of any in particular, but the greatest one is yourself or an editor 😉
    Based on the fact that I have only read one chapter, I don’t know if your book has the potential to be published…I actually don’t even know the plot. But I do know that you are a capable writer and even more important a capable learner. You could get it published if you really want to 🙂
    Aul

    • Thank you Aul for the tips and encouragement. You make some very good points about only posting a few chapters on wordpress. I need to do some thinking about this.
      Have a nice day. 🙂

    • Oh and I am working on a log-line. It is more challenging to write than I expected.

      So Far in the book… Louise learns the German language out of fear for another world war, after overcomming challenges with her first German teacher telling her she will never learn German, she applies to spend a one year exchange program in Germany. She makes it in and goes, against the will of her Father. In the first month she is faced with the often painful attention from boys, which she had been running away from for the past four years…

      The next few chapters will cover her experience with her host family and learning a new culture. In the middle of the year Louise faces a painful, life changing experience. She then makes a deision that she never thought possible.

      What happens after she returns home will probably have to be a sequal, considering I am on the 20th Chapter and not even through Louise’ first month in Germany.

      How does that sound for a story? Still not a log line, but it gives you an idea of what has already happened and what is to come.

      • It sounds like a good, well though-out plot. Don’t be discouraged or think that because you have a large number of chapters, the book will have to end before it should. With all due respect, your chapters are very short. You might find it helpful to combine some of them or just be content having many chapters.
        Tell me if you need any more help or advice!
        Aul

      • Ah so true. I try not to make them too long so that bloggers will actually read them. I think the longest one was chater 16. I published it in two parts. Or chapter 18, I think it was 10 pages on word.

        I love all the help. Thank you. I can always use more. At present I don’t have any specific questions. I am just glad that you have taken the time to give me honesty.

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